Random Oneshots!
by hilariberri
Summary: Title says it all! Oneshots featuring Kai and probably other characters in Beyblade. 2: 103 Questions. Kai gets an email and answers all of them. Find out what he says! Please read and review!
1. How to Piss Kai Off

Gaze: I must have been high or drunk when I wrote this... All credits goes to kuro-chan10307 for the 14, 32-33. And no. 7 is from Shiks' review on my other fic. Someone might have written this already but…if there is someone, it's purely coincidental! Because I thought there weren't any "How to Piss Of Kai" fic/ one-shot.

Summary: You think Kai is all cool and high and almighty…you thought wrong! There are ways to piss him off and maybe kill him in the process! (FICTION)

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**An Idiot's Guide: How to Piss Off Kai Hiwatari**

**_Follow the instructions carefully:_**

1: First and **only** thing you do is: Insult Kai. Duh…

2: Steal Dranzer. Then kill it using a shot gun/rifle/Medusa 9mm (point blank) etc… or Tyson's kendo stick. With the kendo stick, beat it until the feathers all shed from its body. A bloody mess…heh, oh well.

3: If you survive: tell him that an android dude named Zeo stole it.

4: Then tell him: a fat guy named Tyson killed it.

5: If you're caught: just laugh like an ass and run!

6: Raid his closet and take out all his dark black, blue, silver…clothes and change it into neon-coloured ones.

7: Simply toss a live cat at his face yelling, "EAT CAT!"

8: If you manage to live through 1, 2, and maybe 3, 4 and 5, possibly 6 and 7, call him fat and make him skip dessert for a month and let him eat tofu instead.

9: Steal his face paint.

10: Call him an emo.

11: Break his beyblade with a sledge hammer.

12: If you lived through 6-8, tie him up in a tree upside down and have everyone poke him with a stick.

13: If that doesn't kill the bastard, throw him a pit of fangirls. Have his clothes shredded into bits so the girls can share it amongst themselves. Such a waste but whatever.

14: Call him a fag.

15: _If you're still alive_, whenever he and Tyson are beyblading, have Hilary yell, "Hey! Quit looking at Tyson that way! He's your enemy!"

16: Have Hilary push him off the cliff/seawall whenever he thinks of leaving the team.

17: Have her push him again off the seawall for being such an idiot.

18: Tell him he'll never beat Tyson because he's such an emo and gay. And his bird has flown off the coop several times, it's lame.

19: Tell him he's weak even with the muscles.

20: Call him a bishoujo.

21: Tell him, Hilary is dead.

22: Tell him Hilary and Tyson are together.

23: Throw his scarf to the side and yell "FETCH!"

24: Steal all his hair care products and hide it. Then tell him a cat took it…

25: If you lived through that: add that it was a guy named Ray.

26: Give him a haircut in his sleep.

27: Ask if his original hair colour was silver or salt and pepper. Then dye it blonde.

28: Ask him if his head got stuck in the paper shredder because his hair is so uneven.

29: Call him "Supreme Kai" from Dragon Ball Z and show a had-drawn picture of the old dude and how he might've been his reincarnation.

30: Using fish oil, stick his hair up in a Mohawk.

31: Tell him that Tala is gay. And so are his team mates.

32: Get him drunk.

33: Get them all drunk. Then tell him that Ty and Hil had a 'one-night stand' and that Hil is pregnant (even if she's not and they didn't).

34: Ask him to read the bible Leviticus 15 and have him explain the **whole** thing to Hilary.

35: Ask him to make out with Tyson. If it makes you happier, do what that dude did in Naruto, push him into Tyson while they're having a staring contest.

**36: Do only tip#1: Insult Kai** and ignore the rest.

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Gaze: Yup, I was on high when I wrote this…I swear. I could've hated Kai when I wrote this. Leviticus 15…you must find out on your own! (cough-discharges-cough. No thanks to my other writer, Miko!) Look at the title! I did this in religion class since our teacher made us read it. If it was funny, review me and if it wasn't well…you can flame me. I'll listen if you're reasonable but if it's just crappy criticism…guess what? I won't. But go ahead, do your worst! If you liked it, tell me which ones!

Miko: You're nuts.


	2. 103 Questions

Gaze: Well, I was bored! I had my special guy friend who helped me on answering this. In fact, he has the same birthday as Kai… I needed a boy, OKAY? –laughs nervously—

I do not own anything such as movies, Kai Hiwatari…and Little Flower Academy and so on. I own probably only the questions and the smart-ass replies.

Haha, this is partly connected to every story that I've already written and a reply to the first one-shot.

The facts I present here are totally not one hundred percent accurate.

2: 103 Questions

* * *

Dubious, Kai Hiwatari blinked at his computer screen. It was another one of those questionnaire emails. He glanced at the Sender's email and shook his head. Another crazed fangirl of his? Or was she working for some fanbase? 

Cracking his knuckles, he began to type. "Let's get this shit over with," he smirked.

* * *

0. Quote(s): "My bitbeast, Dranzer, is better than yours." "I'm better than you." "Hn…" "Whatever."  
0.5: Gender: Male.  
1. Full name: Kai Hiwatari  
2. Nickname(s): Spy, Mr. Sensitive, Sourpuss, Grouch, Traitor, Fag…  
3. Shoe size: 9  
4. Height: 5"6  
5. Hair: Blue and Grey  
6. Siblings: none.  
7. Do you like to sing in the shower: Who does?...Ohh yeah Ray.  
8. Do you like to sing: No.  
9. Birthdate: November 16, 1987  
10. Sign: Scorpio  
11. Lefty or righty: Right  
12. Shoes or sandals: Shoes  
13. Coke or Pepsi: Coke  
14. Do you set small children on fire: No, but I'd love to.  
15. Have you ever cheated: I love cheating with a passion.  
16. Marital status: Single  
17. Song: …Rihanna- Unfaithful…that was a lie.  
18. Cologne & perfume: Neither.  
19. Movie: All the Pirates of the Caribbean, Parent Trap, Finding Neverland, Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants…that was a lie.  
20. Number: WTF?  
21. Card game: …Go Fish.  
22. Male & Female singers? Both.  
23.Sports: Beyblading.  
24. Hobbies: Taking walks, sleeping, Beyblading…  
25. Food: Anything  
26. TV show? The News.  
27. Cartoon: Beyblade, I'm in it.  
28. Character: Trevor Boris being Trevor Boris and Sabrina Julees being Sabrina Julees from Video on Trial. Michael Jackson being himself.  
29. Colours: Neon everything. Fuck, anything dark.  
30. Do you plan on having kids: Affirmative.  
31. How many do you want: 1  
32. What's something you can't wait to say: Your mom has a penis!  
33. Get married: Probably.  
34. Would you have kids before marriage: No.  
35. Do you have a b/f or g/f: No.  
36. Do you have a crush: Define "crush". Yeah, I do.  
37. What hurts you the most: Getting kicked in the nuts.  
38. Music/TV: The only way to go is having both on at the same time.  
39. Guys/Girls: Hellooo? Males… --- **I was goddamn lying.**  
40. Green/Blue: Blue  
41. Pink/Purple: Purple  
42. Summer/Winter: Summer  
43. Night/Day: Night  
44. Dopey/Funny: Funny  
45. You know I'm around when you hear: Nothing, you don't exist.  
46. What school do you go to: Little Flower Academy… Whitney Prep School.  
47. Do you enjoy what you do: What do I do?  
48. What's a major turn on for you: If you're trying to impress me, just say so, retard. 

FRIENDS

49. Who are they: They don't exist. I'm a loner.  
50. Most blonde: I go to a school where they have examinations and only accept exceptional students...so no one is mentally challenged or retarded. In my team? Max and Tyson.  
51. Nicest: Many people are nice.  
52. Funniest: Idiots threatening me.  
53. Tallest: Me.  
54. What's the worst thing a friend could do to you: Refuse to let me win, which is, all the time.  
55. Which people do you trust and are open with the most: My friends.  
56. Do you believe in soul mates: WTF?  
57. Is it right to flirt if you have a b/f or g/f: I'd say so…just to piss someone off.

OTHER RANDOM QUESTIONS:

58. What was the last thing you cried over or got teary about: When Tyson died and I laughed myself to death…that'll never happen.  
59. What's something about guys/girls you don't get: What is up with girls shaving their armpits and legs?  
60. What do you want right now: A Coke  
61. What's one thing you can't live without: Air…and Dranzer.  
62. Love or Lust: Neither.  
63. Silver or gold: Platinum.  
64. Diamond or pearl: Diamond  
65. Sunset or sunrise: Sunset  
66. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping: Fuck, no.  
67. Do you sleep with stuffed animals: No.  
68. Do you have any piercing: Yes.  
69. What colour underpants are you wearing right now: Blue  
70. What song are you listening to right now: AFI- Miss Murder...wait, Christina Aguilera- Ain't No Other Man.  
71. What are the last 4 digits of your home phone: 1010.  
72. Where would you want to go on your honeymoon: Somewhere I want it to be.  
73. Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with: A man…  
74.What's first thing you notice about the opposite sex: If it's a girl.  
75. What makes you happy: Kicking Tyson's ass.  
76. What's the next CD(s) you're going to get: Teletubbies Hit Parade.  
77. Do you wear contacts or glasses: Yes, but I'm not blind.  
78. What was the best advice ever given to you: If you don't stand for anything, you'll fall for everything.  
79. What's your motto that you live by: "There is no Kai in team either."  
80. Do you like Funny or Scary movies better: Both?  
81. On the phone or in person: Person  
82. Hugs or kisses: Depends from who.  
83. What song seems to reflect you the most: O Canada... That was a lie.  
84. If you died tomorrow who would you leave everything you own to: No one...it's going to the grave with me.  
85. Do you have any enemies: Lots.  
86. Who was the last person to hug you: Tyson.  
87. Would you rather be rich or famous: Rich because then I'd be famous for being extremely rich. Hey, I am rich and famous.  
88. What time is it in Albania now: Hn, time for the Albanians to get a watch.  
89. What time is it where you are now: 4:41 PM.  
90. Have you ever met Santa: No, he fucking lives in the North Pole, why would I go there?  
91. Name something beautiful: Something beautiful.  
92. When did you last talk to the person that you like: Yesterday.  
93. Do you have any pets: Yeah.  
94. Who was the last person you danced with: My Imaginary Friend.  
95. Last time you were stressed: Last beybattle.  
96. Are you an alcoholic: No, but it's in my blood. RUSSIANS ALL THE WAY!  
97. Who sent this to you: Hilary.  
98. What do you think of this person: She's pretty great and annoying.  
99. Anything else: I know Hilary that this is you asking me. You're a smart girl, figure it out.  
100. Do you want your friends to write back: Yes, I'm begging you! **That was probably the biggest lie I've ever told, aside from telling people that I'm gay.  
**101: How many questions have you answered: Dumbass, enough with the tricks, 103.

* * *

Pleased with himself, he clicked 'Send' and waited for a reply. Leaning against his chair he sighed. Damn, he was bored yet again…

* * *

Gaze: I'm sorry if that wasn't funny! I really am sorry! But anyway…please review to tell me if it was funny or not! I'll ignore flames because they're not constructive criticism. I'm sorry about the Russians thing! 

Next possible one: Answering machine messages or Hilary's reply to this...I don't know. It'll come to me.

See ya! Thank you for reading! But please review!


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